Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
