He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
