Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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