the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
