she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
