i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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