He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
