have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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