the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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