I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said her name was "party"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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