So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
