He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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