I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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