You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
