My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize