i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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