Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
