Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
