You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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