Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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