I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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