Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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