Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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