yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
