only if we run a train.
done.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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