laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
