I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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