my mouth tastes like poor choices
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
