Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
