I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
