If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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