Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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