Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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