maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
