don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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