Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
