Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
