i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
