A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize