it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
