The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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