you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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