It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
