drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
