its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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