the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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