Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
