I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
