It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
