just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
