New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
