I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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