How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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