I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
