Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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