I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
