Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
