I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
