I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
