I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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