I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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