So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he puts the penis in happiness.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
