Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
