while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize