evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
