1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize