Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
