I wish my penis had an off switch
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
