There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think im going to throw up on grandma
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
