I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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