Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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