I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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