Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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