I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
