People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
