Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
