Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
