So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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