i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
