I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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