Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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