I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
