I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
